Empty and Alone

August 16, 2015

1:02PM

I feel like I have had a rainy cloud over my head for the past few days and I am not able to shake it off.

It all started when Mike called me.

He is hurting just like I am... if not more.

As we talked, I could hear how challenging it was for him.

The only other time I remember him crying was when Nana passed away.

He was telling me how hard it was to go back to Courter St.

When he started crying, I did too.

I've been working so much these past few weeks that the only emotion I have really felt was exhaustion.

Now that things are slowing down, I feel the pain and the emptiness.

Yesterday, I was supposed to go to a cookout with Darren's family and I didn't make it.

I was supposed to hang out with a colleague and that got cancelled.

All I wanted to do yesterday was lay in my bed.

I had no desire to do anything else.

I feel bad making these plans and then cancelling them the day pf.

When I tell people I am in a funk, I don't think they really understand.

I can't pinpoint the exact cause. All I can really say is things are not the same.

Nothing I do is the same.

One things relates to the next, which makes things challenging.

I was playing Super Mario Bros and it felt nostalgic.

It took me to the time I found out Nana passed away and that is what we did together to calm the feels.

I turn the fan on and can hear you telling me to use a smaller blanket.

I hear you joking on my Coach shoes calling them jeepers because they have that thick white gummy part.

I am prolly not helping myself since I am dealing with everything on my own.

I am good on the pitty party and with an amplified lack of trust, I don't want to let others in on that side.

Love you!

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