My Heart Hurts

May 14, 2015

7:53PM

Life isn't easy. If you ever doubted my love for you, know that I am hurting and I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I feel like I am closed in and don't have anyone to talk to.

I have always been standoffish, but now I feel like I am scared to let people in because I am afraid of the pain that comes when their time is up.

Third grade students practicing spelling while playing checkers.

I have so much I need to tell you.

My kids are getting ready for their SOL tests. Some of them are going to pass. But, others, I don't know what else to do to help them.

I can only imagine your advice on how to deal with them and what I could do differently.

Sometimes, I feel like you are next to me and it helps me to make a better choice, but I am literally in pain.

My heart hurts.

I can't talk to my mom, she doesn't care about anyone except her alcohol.

Sometimes, I just need a hug and I don't know where to get it from.

No one can hug me and love me the way that you loved me.

I fear that death is going to come and I am going to be in pain. When I have these thoughts, I feel like my heart is caving in.

Sometimes, on the weekend, I just want to relax, but everything makes me upset. I have to keep myself overly busy... which then makes me really tired during the week.

They are not stars in the sky. They are openings where our loves ones let us know they are happy. RLS

What about our weekly phone calls? Telling you all about my week. What went well and what didn't go so well.

I find myself working or shopping to keep occupied.

Having the summer off is making me anxious.

Even after I got older, I would spend parts of the summer with you.

I don't know what I am going to do.

I can barely make it through weekends, let alone the entire summer.

Shopping is how I pass time and then I'm mad when I realize how much money I've spent.

I know that isn't what you want. You want me to be happy and invest my money.

I will say, you waited until I told you I broke up with Ken to take a vacation.

You must not have liked him, like you say you did.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it! =]

It's okay, I don't like him anymore either.

I am sure you've bought more tools on that tool truck. Be sure to save me one to two to buy.

I'm sure there are cute ones I can use. You know, like a hammer, but then of course you need some names.

Maybe I'll take a star screwdriver. OH! and a flat one!

With all the electrical tape you left behind, you will have enough for everyone to go around.

I can't wait to get the Nintendo up and running!

I remember when Nana went on vacation, we played Nintendo together.

The other summer, we played Game Boy together.

This will be my new pass time once I get it going. I just need one more cord.

I love you!